


Boreal: A Killer Frost & Caitlin Snow Story

by Warrior_of_Art3mis



Category: The Flash (TV 2014), The Flash - All Media Types
Genre: Alter(s), Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-ish, Dissociation, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Feels, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Killer Frost - Freeform, Not Beta Read: We Die Like All People Do, Self-Hatred, Strong female friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:48:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26345140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warrior_of_Art3mis/pseuds/Warrior_of_Art3mis
Summary: Caitlin Snow’s life is pretty normal except for working in S.T.A.R Labs, constantly getting thrown into dangerous situations, and having a rampant alter running around.☸︎ ☸︎ ☸︎A narration of how Caitlin Snow finds out about Frosty (Killer Frost) and realizes she’s pretty cool.
Relationships: Barry Allen & Julian Albert, Killer Frost & Caitlin Snow, Ronnie Raymond & Caitlin Snow
Kudos: 6





	Boreal: A Killer Frost & Caitlin Snow Story

**Author's Note:**

> Be warned that I didn’t have anyone that has DID to help me correctly portray it.
> 
> I think the show didn’t do the amount of justice they could have. I wrote this DID/OSDD Flash fic because it was a prime opportunity to give more awareness.

Caitlin Snow is a smart person. With all the tragedy that happened in her life, she knew better than to dwell on it. 

Her childhood had been a relatively happy one. Caitlin’s parents were her idols. Her mother was a smart and gentle woman. Her dad was a loving and attentive father. It wasn’t one day Caitlin suddenly woke up and realized her childhood was fleeting. Maybe, though, it was when her father got his diagnosis. 

Multiple sclerosis the doctors had said. The experts had also said there was no cure. As a little girl, she was smart, her dad even let her help in the lab, and so there was a speck of hope she could help her father. Sometimes it confused her because one day her dad would seem okay and the next he wouldn’t even be able to hold his fork still. Caitlin felt like he was already dead sometimes. The way her mother seemed to be sinking into depression even though her dad was still alive. 

Her dad seemed just as frantic as his daughter. He spent long nights in the lab trying to find a cure. It confused her younger self because it was one thing to not want to die but it almost felt like he was fighting for two people.

It wasn’t unusual for her dad to bring her to work a couple of times a week but that slowly turned into every day. Caitlin couldn’t say what exactly went on during those days. He ran tests on her but never told her for what. So maybe he was fighting for two people. It was like someone was hiding valuable information from her just behind a door. If she could open it maybe Caitlin could get to it. 

Unfortunately, it wasn’t just at home she had issues but at school as well. Lexi LaRoche was a bully. The textbook definition of it. 

What her issue was with the smart girl, Caitlin would never know. Once she put juicy fruit gum in Caitlin’s hair. At that time Caitlin had relatively long locks and the other little girl had put it right on her scalp and rubbed it in. She remembered coming home and crying; telling her mother about how the school nurse had taken out a pair of craft scissors, chopping without care until Caitlin was left with a pixie cut. 

Strangely, as an adult Caitlin didn’t recall much about the LaRoche girl and what happened between them. Not that it wasn’t uncommon she didn’t remember things. 

That should have been the first sign. 

One of the last clear memories of her father was on a gorgeous sunny day. He had been in particularly good health that week and wanted to spend time with her while it lasted. She had been pedaling on her bike that had just gone from training wheels to no assistance whatsoever. 

All Caitlin had done was looked back over her shoulder at her father. In a jolt, she had flown over the handlebars and the bike came flying at her and crashed into her, effectively trapping Caitlin. Caitlin’s father was quick to realise his daughter’s leg was trapped, but it was too late. Her struggle was coming to a pityingly futile end. 

A car could be seen barreling down the road with no plans to stop for the little girl in the center of it. That was the first time she ever blacked out. When she had woken-up, Caitlin found herself in her bed at home. Her father asked her if she was okay and Caitlin had just smiled. The lack of memory could be waved off as purely situational trauma. Trauma was fickle after all. 

Really the problem was, whenever she fell asleep Caitlin swore she could see icy eyes looking back at her. Blacking out started to become a common thing. She had identified it to be happening in stressful situations. Sometimes, though, it didn’t make sense why the phenomenon happened. Like when Caitlin had tried to take a bike tour in senior year with her friends. 

The voice had also been a strange addition. It was a woman that Caitlin was sure of. The woman had been with her since she was little and the others' voice seemed to mature with Caitlin’s. Sometimes the women would suggest things and sometimes she would make snide remarks, though she never seemed to have the intention to hurt Caitlin. 

Maybe it was schizophrenia she theorized. Caitlin recalled hearing a ted-talk in that. Or maybe she was possessed. Although it was a lousy possession job the other woman was doing. Every time she blacked out or heard a voice Caitlin dismisses it. It was just her inner consciousness after all. For a woman of science and facts, suppression of personal issues was a downright skill of hers. 

Then Caitlin had met Ronnie. He was everything and more to her. She never told him about the women who talked to her sometimes. In good time, Caitlin would tell herself. Everything with the couple was just so good and she didn’t want to ruin it because she sounded outlandish. Like how do you say to someone “I may be possessed, but don’t think I’m crazy”. 

The day he asked her to marry him and the day they got married had been the two best moments in her life. Both of those days the women in her head had been dead quiet, and Caitlin didn’t think about it until much later. They weren’t always a perfect couple but worked on it through it in the end. 

S.T.A.R. Labs was a second home for the newlyweds. People who worked there loved it and felt like they were meant to do something phenomenal. Caitlin and Ronnie were no exception. When launching the Particle Accelerator project everyone had worked so hard on and Caitlin, like everyone, else was feeling nervous. Looking back there were signs of the impending disaster, but the excited buzz around S.T.A.R Labs quickly washed away any doubts. 

When the bang had come out of nowhere from lower in the building, Ronnie volunteered to check it out with Cisco. Something was wrong with it and she knew it. It took no genius to know that. She had protested and soon Ronnie’s sweet words quickly had her reluctantly yielding. What was the worst that could happen? 

Thinking about it now, Caitlin should have known that with her track-record something was bound to go awry. Should have, could have, would have. No use pondering, right? 

It was a few minutes later that Caitlin knew she couldn’t wait to figure out what happened. She ran to the Core knowing people's lives depended on it, more importantly, Ronnie’s did. When Ronnie gave the speech about saving everybody Caitlin knew the familiar set in his jaw and resolute tone of his voice. He was a person with his mind made up. The sound of the blast was heart-wrenching. He was gone. Ronnie was gone. Caitlin couldn’t process it. 

Shortly after that, at some point, Caitlin lost control. The blackout was the longest one ever. Months. Literal months. Coming back was disorienting and yet refreshing. It was short-lived because the headaches that Caitlin got after that were no joke and she felt more tired than ever. 

Then the situation with Barry Allen happened. That was a crazy ride, and she had no time to think about her lost ex. With the real identity of Harrison Wells discovered things were just getting crazier.

Ronnie had also happened. Resorted really. Yeah, Ronnie was alive but in no way hers. He had changed and as much as Caitlin wanted to be with him she knew it was better not to be. Didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

Of course, Caitlin had to get kidnapped by Hunter. That was when she first met Killer Frost in person. Killer Frost was elegant yet lethal. She had been all high luminescent cheekbones and icy eyes, paired with sharp words that promised of danger. 

The woman was chilly to say the least and looked only very mildly, maybe a distant cousin multiple times removed, like Caitlin but didn’t act like her. Killer Frost was her own woman, that much was obvious. She was not Caitlin. The icy women had said some wild stuff. Very much a mic-drop moment. 

A whirlwind of things happened that side-tracked Caitlin and she almost, almost, forgot about the silver-haired women. Not long after, the feeling that was left from her strange encounter would resurface but not what specifically happened. 

When the icy fog started coming from her hands you bet Caitlin was alarmed, and once and for all she needed to resolve the issue. By this time another blackout was to be expected. That was a shorter one, only a few days. 

Having to confront her mother for the first time in her adult life was terrifying. Caitlin’s head had pounded and hurt in anticipation or thought. Later Caitlin would find out about her father but was a tale stuffed way back in her mind. Conversing with her mom was, as expected, cold. She had wondered maybe it wasn’t her who was the frigid one after all. 

The ice had lost control then and Caitlin didn’t remember much after that for a while. 

Off. On. Off. On. Off. On. 

Those were her days. Barry would be asking for her help and the next she would be somewhere not remembering how she got there. It almost made her ask but not knowing was a habit by then. 

To make matters worse, the women stopped communicating with her. If you could call their tango communication. It had always been an uncomfortable feeling but not unfamiliar or hated. Caitlin knew the feeling of anger, borderline obsession, she felt when resurfacing every once and a while weren’t hers. 

When she got to know Julian Albert, for the first time in a long while, Caitlin felt truly cared about. Cisco, Barry, and the gang were a whole different ballpark. They were family. But Julian could have been something else. Something more. At that point, Caitlin wasn’t really trusting herself to be in a relationship. 

She could tell Julian was starting to see her as more than a friend and it scared her. Like everyone else that went too close, she pushed him away. Caitlin could barely deal with herself, so how would she deal with another person. Much less love someone. The death of Ronnie, a second time, was always too fresh. 

Something happened with Frost, and once again Caitlin was left in the dark. The one thing she knew was, it was bad and was on track to get worse. Hugging Barry felt like less of a release than it should have been. Caitlin wasn’t in control and that scared her. Someone was living in her body and she was sure as hell going to do everything in her power to claim it back.

  
  


...

For once things were calm for a while. Well if you call Cisco thinking his dead brother was alive talking to him and Julian getting possessed, was calm. The important thing was, that it wasn’t about her for once. She was conscious and Caitlin relished it. The other woman who called herself Killer Frost was still there, just not active. 

Yes, it did make Caitlin uneasy, but it would do no good to think about the other women waiting to pounce. Outlining proper steps was integral to gaining her life back, so she needed to know how to control her power. For the first time, Caitlin was gaining a grasp on the craziness that was her power or so she thought. The reality was, it would always be Frost's. 

When Abra appeared at the Lab, bad stuff went down. Everyone was down for the count in a matter of minutes. The explosion that happened propelled everyone back and most painfully, Caitlin. She knew something was wrong when a steering pain went through her body. There was blood everywhere on Cisco’s hand and the floor, it was a mess, to say the least. 

The group quickly rushed her off to the medical area in S.T.A.R Labs and found she had gotten a piece of something stuck inside her. Fearing the worst, Caitlin had to decide what to do. On one hand, she was likely to die because the Lab didn’t have all the equipment necessary for any sort of immediate medical situation. Caitlin knew that if they went to a ligament hospital the staff would find out about Killer Frost. 

As much as she hated the women, Caitlin couldn’t risk herself being taken into custody. Places that had meta humans suddenly appearing, which felt like everywhere nowadays, were not lenient about them. Meta-humans most good, a small percentage bad, were seen as criminals almost without anyone willing to defend one. 

A small part of Caitlin might have had protective feelings for Killer Frost, but that wasn’t a time where she could or would have identified them. Part of her had just wanted to go to sleep but the other part of Caitlin, the stronger part, took the mirror and told Julian what to do. 

Julian was the most qualified, and quite frankly the person she trusted the most with that sort of thing. All the work of putting up a defensive shell was gone for that bit of time. It was life or death after all. 

Caitlin didn’t exactly remember how the shrapnel came out of her, but it did, and she might have screamed. The semantics really weren’t that important. 

When she woke up, it was instant relief. Not only was she alive but Caitlin was in control of her body. Julian had been there too, holding her hand and talking to her. At one point Caitlin thought he was going to kiss her and when he didn’t, for some reason, it was relief that came first, then disappointment. 

There was pain throughout the day but much less wasn’t to be expected. She was good. Caitlin was perfectly fine. Yes, she was. 

No she wasn’t. 

Then proceeded the second-longest blackout of her entire life. At times Caitlin managed to wrangle some form of consciousness, but it was lonely glimpses never nearly enough to be in control. Why did this woman keep trying to take her life away? Even more pressing, why did Killer Frost seem to want Caitlin in control? That was why the other had gone to Savitar after all. 

It never dawned on her that maybe Killer Frost hated herself as much as Caitlin despised her. Killer Frost was a self-serving anti-hero, end of story. 

When she had fully regained consciousness and control, Caitlin was in her apartment. The studio really didn’t look much different than usual. Everything was how she left it. The other woman was quiet, almost like she had never been and Caitlin let herself cruelty hope that. 

It may have just been a sense but she knew Wells, the real one, was dead. From afar Caitlin had stood watching the funeral procession. She had been the main cause of it after all. Reluctantly, Cisco and Julian walked up to her. Caitlin could see the hint of fear in their eyes and it made her hate Killer Frost. 

What was worse, was the hope in their eyes. She didn’t know how to break their hearts. How to tell them the old Caitlin was gone. Killer Frost had taken everything fundamentally Caitlin and twisted it. It was all that crazy women’s doing. What had Killer Frost been thinking? Probably not at all like usual. 

At that, she felt a harsh pain and she knew Killer Frost had been hurt by her words. So what? Since that woman had destroyed the old her, why not act like the monster she was now? 

Caitlin settled for a simple goodbye.

  
  


... 

After that fiasco, she resigned herself to figure out how to get rid of Killer Frost. Julian had given her a temporary aid but she knew it was only a matter of time. Killer Frost was growing stronger by the day. 

When Amunet came to her with a somewhat more permanent solution. Caitlin bought into it. What she didn’t want to acknowledge was that Killer Frost was already her own woman, no help needed. 

It was over that period of time that Caitlin and Frost seemed to come up with a mutual agreement to do what was necessary to keep the body safe. If one of them went down no explanation was needed to say what would happen to the other. Although Caitlin was far from accepting Frost, their neutral area was okay. 

When team Flash needed her again Caitlin didn’t take that much convincing. Truth be told, she missed them and missed being useful, not Frost. It was easy to get back into the banter of things, too easy. Amunet had to come back into the picture at the most inconvenient time and Caitlin almost lost control.

Caitlin and Frost’s mutual agreement seemed to disintegrate. The cat and mouse game of who had control over the body rapidly switched. It was tiring and confusing. 

Flash forward through the whole Ralph and Gypsy situation, Caitlin remained present for the most part. Nothing particularly triggered had set Frost off, yet. When she got the news of Felicity marrying Oliver, Caitlin was excited. Yay, a break. Not so fast though. Things had gone downhill real fast. 

Caitlin felt Frost’s unrest like it was her own the whole time. Norvok, ever Amunet’s loyal henchman, had come to the area where Felicity, Iris, and Caitlin were. Felicity had thought Norvok was a stripper or something and honestly, how? He had creepy written all over him. Then again, Frost was just on the edge of being triggered. When the man took out his eye Caitlin was long gone. Resurfacing was painful. 

Amunet was in the middle of giving Frost a real beating. Ah yes, expect Frost to back out when it got bad Caitlin had thought. Iris stepped in to help her and Caitlin had managed to leave. At the lab Caitlin told some lies about Iris and her's friendship and the women looked genuinely hurt. 

Caitlin fled, again. So maybe she and Frost weren’t so different in that aspect. This time Frost seemed to be reluctant. Caitlin, Frost actually, knew she had to confront Amunet. To Caitlin’s surprise, Felicity and Iris were already there. In defense, Caitlin seems to lose control over the very little powers she did have. 

At one point Caitlin recalled working to reign them in and it seemed to disappear in a second.It wasn’t all bad. The most amazing and crazy thing had happened, she was conscious of what Frost was doing. Caitlin already had some idea that Frost could comment and sometimes influence her actions but never vice-versa. It was like she was with Frost. 

There was no real way to explain how it felt, but everyone got out more or less unscathed. For once Caitlin could talk to Team Flash and explain what happened. No, Caitlin didn’t have control but she did know the proceeding and didn’t disapprove. 

  
  


...

After that incident, everything and nothing changed. Frosty and she still disagreed and still fought over silly stuff but it wasn’t bad... 

Usually, Caitlin would be aware of what Frost did but sometimes she wouldn’t. It was those moments that she felt most useless. Like Frost and Team Flash even other meta-humans, hero’s, and vigilantes had inside jokes with the other. 

It was her being excluded. Frost seemed to be aware of everything Caitlin did, if she so chose. Once Cisco had asked for Caitlin to get Frost and she had yelled something along the lines of “I can’t retrieve her. I’m not a dog. If she is triggered, she’s triggered. If she is able to push to the front, she is. Do you think I’m a dog Cisco?” 

Cisco had gone wide-eyed and since then everyone had gotten better at informing Caitlin. It wasn’t perfect but it was a step in the right direction. With Frost, it was like having a close, dare she say it, friend or relative. Both women were catastrophically different but they seemed to share the same core beliefs. 

For once, Caitlin accepted that Frost was something within her own and deserved treatment as such. Both were real. Both were legit. Maybe Frost had always wanted the best for Caitlin. Caitlin had known Frost had always been there, somewhere. Frost always protected her, at least in her own ways.

Most startling was that Caitlin realized maybe she always had deep down, wanted what was best for Frost. 

  
  


...

**_+1_ **

**_(Frost and Caitlin have a conversation about name preferences; it goes off track)_ **

  
  


_“I never asked you, what do you prefer to be called,”_ Caitlin commented to Frost. 

Frost was currently in control of the body. She was sitting in their apartment, on the couch, trying to draw Elsa and Anna. 

“I guess I never thought about it. Why are you asking?” Frost hummed. Currently, the woman was in the middle of drawing Elsa’s braid. 

_“Well, I’m not sure. I just thought Killer Frost was overkill. It might give someone the wrong impression.”_

Frost took a second to respond because she was in the middle of shading in Anna’s hair now. “What do you mean? I’m a menace.” 

_“You are secretly a teddy bear, a polar bear more accurately. Also, why does Anna look like me and why does she have a slash through her throat.”_ No joke. Anna now had a beautiful, very bloody, cut along her neck. 

Caitlin could feel Frost smile as she responded, “Just adding a Frosty touch.” 

_“Just looks like you can’t do art to me,”_ Caitlin teased back. 

Frost was pouting like the overgrown child she was. “Yeah, whatever.” 

She smiled at Frost’s antics. “ _So, why Killer Frost? Was it always that?”_

The picture was looking grimmer by the second. “I never really questioned my name. You call me Frost, so if you have an issue with the Killer aspect then ignore it.” 

Olaf was now being drawn except it looked like a big mush of cookie dough. No, it looked poo. 

“No it doesn’t!” Caitlin could feel Frost’s glare but it was only funny to her. 

It didn't take long for Caitlin to decided the perfect name for Frost.

_“Okay, well... Elsa it is.”_

The body went stark still. “Don’t you dar-”

**Author's Note:**

> I stopped watching the Flash on season 3-ish because the crossovers were getting confusing and changed the timeline. Not to mention I was watching The Arrow and Supergirl at that time, so major spoilers! The timelines were set in the same universe (not Supergirl, I think that’s a different one) but different times. The struggle ヽ(´—｀。)ﾉ
> 
> If there were plot-holes, that’s my reasoning. I used the Flash wiki and watched badass clips of Killer Frost to piece this together. 
> 
> Oh, as for why I didn’t use more lingo like fronting or co-con is because those are terms Caitlin is unfamiliar with, thus, it wouldn’t make sense why she would use them.


End file.
